IAEDP Conference- Charleston, SC

:Focus staff Karen Johnson joins Anita Johnston, PhD, and Suzanne Ricklin and Melissa Rogers.

IAEDP Conference in Charleston, SC.

  Focus staff, Becky Melissa, and Karen – enjoying the rooftop view from Charleston.

IAEDP Conference- Charleston, SC

Focus staff, Melissa Rogers and Gail Gnade, at our marketing booth. 

IAEDP Conference- Charleston, SC

 Focus staff Karen Johnson- Focus Healthcare of California Business Development Coordinator;  Anita Johnston, PhD- Senior Expert and Weekly Consultant; and Becky Johnston- National Director

IAEDP Conference- Charleston, SC

Brain Matters:  Focus staff Karen and Melissa join Ralph Carson.

IAEDP Conference in Charleston, SC,

Focus hosted professionals on the hotel rooftop each night in Charleston.  This is Ovidio Bermudez, Medical Director of the adolescent program at Eating Recovery Center in Denver, CO and Becky Johnston, our National Director.  Becky Attended the pre-session presentation with Ovidio.

image by crescendo designs

I am always amazed by the talent of our past and present patients. From art to poetry to music, their talents inspire and speak volumes to their experiences.  Below is a poem written to discribe one of our alumna’s struggles with her eating disorder:

Shapes stuck in the bathroom mirror
And fear when she finally sees
A microphone taped to a little girl’s mouth
And the speaker plugged into a disease

Where do thoughts go when they never get said?
Where does pain go to hide?
It seeps out in the most primitive of ways
When the words become amplified

A foreign language that no one else knows
The guesswork still to be found
And the worried looks she too often gets
Become an emotional ultrasound

Where do words go when they don’t make it out?
Where does pain turn into dismay?
When you let your body do the talking for you
What does it really say?

- by Emma

One year ago today, one of the most deadly and widespread tornado outbreaks occurred with over 208 touching down in  Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee. I remember the ominous day very well with the reported 70% chance of tornadoes; the nonstop rain, hail, and winds; and the nightmare chain of events. The storm system lasted from 7:30am to 10:30pm creating havoc all across the southeast. A quarter of the days death toll was accounted for by the areas surrounding Focus. It was a rough day, to say the least, but like with most natural disasters, it brought out the best in people and their communities. A year later, many of the homes have been rebuilt; however, the victims, those they love, and their communities still carry many emotional wounds. Our post today is in honor of them.

Focus sponsored Courtney Armstrong as one of the presenters at the Freedom & Recovery Conference in San Diego this week.  She spoke yesterday morning, and did an AWESOME job.  She had more questions, input, engagement and positive feedback after her session than seen all week.  We are so proud of our hometown gal!

The itsy, bitsy spider crawled up the water spout.

Down came the rain, and washed the spider out.

Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain,

and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

Most of you are pretty familiar with this childhood nursery rhyme, right? But how many of you have really ever stopped to take in the real meaning and message of perseverance?

The waterspout is very much like our journey through life and recovery, but its inevitable that the rain will eventually come down (i.e. relapses, economic hardships, endings of relationships, etc.).What do you do when the rain comes down? Do you give up? Wallow in your sorrows? Or maybe like the spider, you get up and try, try again. Today, I encourage you to live like the spider. Continue to climb and persevere because the sun will come back out.

I am not a huge golf fan, but every year in April, I can’t resist tuning into the Masters. This year was no different. I am always impressed by the pristine greens, the flocks of fans, and the cool, calm, and collected golfers. Truly, when you think about the mental pressure on those players, its pretty amazing seeing them holding it together through three days of 18 holes. And as I was watching, I couldn’t help but think that we could learn a thing or two from (some) of those golfers.

For example, one of my favorites is Phil Mickelson. He had an outstanding game on Saturday that put him in contention for his 4th green jacket on Sunday. However, on the fourth tee on the third and final round, his shot hit metal railing and bounced into the woods. The shot was disasterous and he ended the hole with a triple bogey (that’s not good for those of you who aren’t familiar with golf). Now, I can imagine that that this shot would have completely discouraged most people. I, myself, would have probably barraged myself with negative internal content, wouldn’t have made eye contact with a soul due to my embarrassemnt, and it most definitely would have affected the rest of my game. However, what did Phil do? On the way to his fifth tee, he continued to make eye contact, smiled and acknowledged his fans, and got right back on track with another excellent tee. Phil ended the masters third, but was in strong contention up until the last hole. You would have never known that he had made such a game threatening shot early in the game.

Like Phil, how many times do we make mistakes? I don’t know about you, but I do pretty often. Now sometimes these “mistakes” come under circumstances of great pressure, and other times it may be something minor that doesn’t really affect anyone. But ultimately, how we handle ourselves after our mistakes is what is most important. Do you crumble and let it get into your head? Do you fill your mind with negativity and self-turned anger? Or do you remain cool, calm and collected? Acknowledge your mistake so you don’t make it again, engage in some positive self talk so you have the confidence to make that eye contact, and try again? Now, I’m not in Phil Mickelson’s head or any of those other golfers, but I will say that their ability to remain composed and fighting after mistakes remind me of this second option. It’s an inspiration, and just for today, I want to handle my mistakes like a composed, golfer.

Codependency is modeled everywhere we look in our culture. From the alcoholic family-next- door to the silver screen to the lyrics of pop music to Catholic marriage vows. I don’t know how I could have grown up any different; both my parents were raised by codependent parents who were, guess what, also raised by codependents.  Alcoholism, green thumbs and relationship addiction are in my lineage just like being short and prone to spending freely.

What motivates codependence is the idea that we are not complete. We think we are “wrong” or “defective” and need fixing. Because we do not love ourselves, we think that it’s gonna be hard to find someone to love us. From this desperate place of seeking love, acceptance and completion we look for something or someone to “love”. Usually we don’t even take the time to see who the other person is, or if we like them or even want to be with them! In the absence of self-love and discernment you can imagine that we attract some real doozies!

Codependent Wave by A. (inpatient at FOCUS ED)

What this drawing illustrates so perfectly is the way the enmeshed pair work together. Here is the important thing. The purple is complicit in creating the codependent relationship; just as much as the yellow. They are working together to create this enmeshed dynamic. Who or what plays this role in the ED patient’s life?

We are familiar with the codependent person. There is another person, another side to codependency. S/he is called the “counter-dependent”. This person, who needs to be needed, who looks so strong, is as stuck in the relationship as the identified patient. Usually the first to play this role is a parent but we soon learn to do it with friends and bosses and lovers and food and communication and money. Then we wonder how we keep getting swallowed up in darkness.

The assignment “Draw your relationship” produced this fantastic drawing of codependency. A., an inpatient at FOCUS Ed unit, drew the “hook” (what hooks you into unhealthy relationships?) and the engulfing that follows. The spinning out of control. She has lost a sense of herself and merged with “others” all her life. Stopping is as terrifying as jumping off a cliff. She will do anything to not feel this. Food is just a place-saver; a way to deny the emptiness and avoid the lifework of becoming whole.

The problem is that a half-formed person can only attract another half-formed person! Treatment, therapy and working the 12 Steps are about taking responsibility, becoming educated and breaking this pattern.

Want to find love? Start with yourself!

Copyright2012jasmilam

Lifeline bracelet by H. (ED inpatient)

H. beaded this memory wire bracelet during an art therapy group at FOCUS. Memory wire is perfect for beginning jewelers and hard to mess up. The wire is spiraled and remembers that it is spiraled. No tricky clasps or toggles needed. It also is an apt metaphor for the idea of a life timeline, a visual story, a bead memory. Each single bead represents a year in the life of this artist. Some years a small single bead says it best. For other years, larger beads, including evil eyes and handmade Czech glass beads, mark the big events. Childhood trauma, an alcoholic mother, a wedding, the birth of two sons, family deaths, his affair, her affairs, a DUI, hospitalizations, inpatient treatments and a bad car wreck line up in a one-of-a-kind bracelet.

There is something healing about honoring and remembering one’s life in this way. And there is no denying that this bracelet paints a picture of a colorful life; a life where the bad stuff not only has a place, but where it adds depth and richness to the overall piece. Believe it or not, the very things that send us crashing to our bottoms (our addictions and unmanageable lives) may serve us in recovery. Not only does it prepare us to help others, it also makes us who we are. In fact we eventually become grateful for every mistake, every wound and every bad relationship. Without them we would not seek help, we would not reclaim our lives and we would not seek connection with a higher power. Our history is a beautiful part of our recovery. Just ask H. She receives compliments on her bracelet every time she wears it.

Copyright2012jasmilam

Today, I was doing my weekly skim of recovery related blogs and ran across a blog post on Drinking Diaries entitled “Whitney’s World-And Ours” written by author, Martha Southgate, famed for her truthful and passionate novels related to African American communities and experiences.

In her blog post, Southgate shared about the tragedy of Whitney’s death but also hit on the reluctance to acknowledge or discuss addiction in many of the African American communities. When you think of addiction among white Americans, chances are you think of people from all stages and walks of life: poor, wealthy, young, old.  However, when you think of addiction among black Americans, you typically think of “beat down, broke crack addicts or homeless bums.” She discussed her fear about the reluctance to be open and honest about addictions across all class lines, but also shared her hope that the death of such iconic and wealthy African American celebrities, such as Whitney and Michael Jackson, may result in more open communication.

I must admit that Southgate’s blog post really made me think about my own experiences growing up in a small, Appalachian town. I can relate in that I don’t ever remember anyone talking about the substance abuse in our communities. While it was a predominately white, lower to middle class community, there was an enormous amount of pride and religion in the families. It was not okay to air your “dirty laundry.” What would others think? What would that mean about you?

I myself grew up in a household littered with the affects of addiction, as both of my parents were children of alcoholics. However, interestingly enough, no one ever talked about it.  As I grew up and received degrees in psychology and counseling, I learned about intergenerational trauma and how the affects of addictions can be passed down from generation to generation. I began to reflect back on my friends, acquaintances and community as a whole and realized the damage that was occurring due to no one acknowledging and talking about the issues in the family.  An immense amount of shame, fear, and lacking-self worth had become a cornerstone, and ultimately, the belief that no one else could understand was what kept the silence and fostered more pain.

If you are a part of a family suffering from the affects of addiction or trauma, there is good news. You can break the cycle; I understand that first hand. The first step is talking about it in a safe space, like with a trusting friend or therapist. There are also many amazing support groups for family members. Here are some options in and around the Chattanooga area:

Families Anonymous: for anyone that has a family member struggling with addictions (substance abuse, eating disorders, sex addiction, or financial addictions).

Every Friday from 6-7pm at Focus Healthcare of Tennessee, 7429 Shallowford Road in Chattanooga.

Every Thursday from 8-9pm at Grace Episcopal Church at 20 Belvoir Avenue, Chattanooga. 423.886.6425

Forgiven Much: for spouses of men with sex addictions. It is held every other Wedensday at 6;30 at Woodlawn Park Baptist Church. 423.645.0596.

Al-anon: for family and friends of alcoholics (but can be supportive of other addictions)  Meetings occur at a variety of times and locations around South Eastern Tennessee. Check the website at http://al-anonchattanooga.com/Meetings.aspx for more information

Codependent Anonymous (CoDA): for those seeking to build healthy relationships (can be very supportive of those with unhealthy relationships due to addictions in the family)

Wednesday from 7:00-8:00pm at Grace Episcopal Church

Thursday from 7:00-8:00pm at Trinity Lutheran Church

To read more of Martha Southgate’s blog post: http://www.drinkingdiaries.com/2012/02/17/8636/

** Focus Healthcare of Tennessee does not necessarily endorse or support all themes, theories, or perspectives included in the entirety of blog.

Photo Credit: http://www.roserehab.com/blog/